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Posts tagged: EXTREME RULES

Brock Lesnar vs John Cena

Brock Lesnar lost a lot of muscle since 2002. Must be because he got off the juice. His ring gear also just looks really awkward. Just had to get that out of the way.

  1. I found myself busy counting Lesnar’s “neck” rolls while waiting for Cena to appear why Brock danced awkwardly as if he was a fighter in a video game.
  2. It took Cena just a few seconds to get busted open. Brocks lucky that Cena isn’t as badass as Vader. Because if he did that to Vader his ass would have gotten mowed down.
  3. I’m upset that it took all night for blood shed. Does this ppv NOT have the word “extreme” in it?
  4. Not to mention, in any normal person this would have set them on a homicidal rampage. I’ve seen my own blood before it a fight and it just does something to you that I can’t really explain. It locks down your conscience and just throws you into survival mode. Thats the best I can find myself describing it.
  5. I noticed the spanish announcers chilling behind their no table thanks to punk and jericho. It made me laugh for some reason.
  6. The referee took a note from the ryback jobbers and sold like death, planking for a good 10-15 minutes after brock knocked them out.
  7. Referees tried coming out to officiate the  match but brock (ended up screwing himself) and was all like 
  8. Cenas leg drop didn’t only miss. It missed BAD.  Jesus christ, the idiot who thought up that spot should be fired. If that hit it would have been epic but I knew it wasn’t going to and I was just sitting there like “what the fuck is cena thinking?”
  9. Apparently lesnar can just about 15ft into the air onto the floor get up hobble around and laugh but cena hits him magically with 2 moves and hes down for the count. Seems legit.
  10. Lesnar leaves the ring without going into roid rage and cena gives us a speech about how he might be out for his injured arm for awhile. Here is to wishing john cena a healthy kayfabe recovery with his kayfabe charlie horse.
  11. Oh and Lesnar scared a fan on his way out. Made it look like hes gonna hit him. I don’t know how to feel about it but I chuckled because I think the fan tried to grab him and in that case I would give that fan “back the fuck up bitch” language too. 
  12. Oh and in a fit of losing Brock tried carrying the rings steps back to his farm with him as he was leaving. I mean, thats only what I assume because it was really strange.

Overall rating 8: Because despite being able to see blood it was literally about 20 minutes of brock lesnar just wailing on Cena. 5 minutes of brock standing on the ring steps he put in the center of the ring.  And 5 minutes for cenas 2 magical comeback moves an speech afterward. I’m serious guys. Thats all it was.

It was cool seeing some whoopass though and I’m glad we’re getting a break from Cena. I don’t hate him, its just we need a break from all these comeback storylines. When someone returns (with the exception of jericho) they just jump on cenas ass (kane, rock, brock).I just want to see other stars shine for a bit while he films the marine 3. 

Nikki bella vs Layla

In short Layla comes back just to beat Nikki bella for the divas championship. Nikkis ringwork was a bit sloppy but I don’t really mind because apparently tomorrow night is their last appearance for wwe. Its obvious now that they only gave Nikki a 6 day title reign so when she leaves they can say she was a former champion (much like kane and stonecold first blood match leading to kanes 24 hour title reign back in the 90’s). Kind of disappointing but maybe we can see more competition in the divas division. Maybe Natalya will get a title reign soon?

kind of sad they didn’t pit the bellas against eachother but whatever. bye bella twins. Its been a decent run i guess. Actually started to like you two a bit. 

CM Punk vs Chris Jericho

This was by far the best match on the card. I’ll be sad to see this feud go but I will be remembering this match for years. I only have one bad thing to say about this: There SHOULD have been blood to end this feud. 

  1. First thing I notived was the change of ring gear. I was on the edge of my seat waiting for their pants to rip mid match. Apparently a chicago street fight is jeans and acting like Tommy Dreamer. 
  2. Jericho is the best shit talker in the world. Even punk can’t  compete with it. He shit talks the fans, refs, opponents. everyone. Some fan yelled at him saying something about canada and jericho just laughed in his face. You don’t get a better heel then that. I was just waiting for a “I’M FROM WINNIPEG YOU IDIOT” comment but tht was just as lulzy. oh jeritroll
  3.  Also the stint with Punks sister was brilliant. Loved watching Punk freak out and attack the announce tables like it was their fault. 
  4. Jericho getting hit with the fire exstinguisher made me laugh more then I should have. It was just hilarious. How he was able to continue the match after being blinded by that I have no idea. Oh wait, I do. Its called skill.
  5. I will remember that elbow drop for years. That has to be one of the most epic things that has happened on a ppv this year. I’ll remember it like RVDS work in the 2002 elimination chamber.
  6. Only pet peeve with the walls of jericho is that you can clearly see jericho carry his opponents to the ropes in a match. He really needs to learn how to cover that up better. Only saying that because I’ve been in the walls of jericho before (well with my older brother) several times and it hurts like a bitch. No way you’re able to crawl to the ropes in that position when done extreme but there are several, more convincing ways to get out of it. If my brothers walls hurt that bad I can only imagine how bad an athletes would. 
  7. I got this prediction in the bag. Punk won and chicago feels good.

Overall rating: 10. Completely blew their wrestlemania match out of the water and when people look back on the feud they’ll remember this fight. I’ll remember this fight. It was more then just rolling around in pins and submissions. It literally told the story of these Jerichos hunger for the championship and punks frustrations. This will be a hard match to beat. And I can see Punk getting into a feud with Lesnar now, but I’ll get into that later.

You know its a Ryback match when…

There is either a 12 year old or a redneck in the ring, but since its a PPV the WWE got both of them and put them in a handicap match against Goldb…I mean Ryback.

Things that happened:

  • The jobbers taught us math and told us that 2 is greater then one. Ironically they got shit on worse then any of the jobbers that set foot in the ring with him on smackdown.
  • Goldberg chants FTW. Literally laughed my ass off.
  • After the 12 year old got beat up the red neck went to non chalantly make a run for it but he got caught asnd was hit by Rybacks finisher.
  • If the 12 year old just turned sideways I think he could have escaped. I probably had at least 30lbs on that guy. He looked so skinny and well…prepubescent.
  • Ryback is apparently not only a wwe wrestler but also a character in mortal Kombat.
  • The Jobbers sold ryback like super death. ROFL. Somewhere, Dolph Ziggler is taking tips from you guys. That will be your legacy.

Rating: I don’t know man I blinked during the match just like I do every match and the jobbers were just laying dead in the ring so a 4 I guess.

ps. Sorry but Ryback is or was on some juice. Theres no going around that. I have the feeling that in times of the wwe shoving the wellness policy down every ones throats to look legit yet refusing to shed light on what they’re testing for I feel the need to pry at the obvious for those you arn’t keeping mark. The sports world doesn’t care if the guys smoke weed, pop pills, or cocaine. Lets face it, the only thing insecure male sports fans are concerned about is “wow that guys fake because heuses steroids”. WWE is just using this drug policy to appeal to them and make it seem more legit when in fact it doesn’t even matter if a wrestler has quit using steroids the effect it has on their growth and maintenance last years. Keep in mind wwe, an athelete doing a cycle every few months or year (once a year) is not a reason I think people should be punished for but ABUSE (scott steiner) is the main issue with sports and steroids. Not saying I don’t think them using drugs like cocaine or pot is wrong I just feel if they want to legitimize the wellness policy it needs to be more open so people know whats going on.

Sheamus vs. Daniel Bryan:BATTLE OF THE BEARDS

I’m going to be completely honest when I say I slacked out on this one a bit because I left to go to 711 and get a slurpee after waiting 18 seconds into the match to be sure it wouldn’t be over when I got back. Sorry but I’ve been craving slurpees like a motherfucker and couldn’t resist. 

  1. I lol’d at the 18 seconds shirt sheamus was wearing and honestly, I like the great whites bear better then daniel bryans squirrel face.
  2. When I got back daniel bryan was working on sheamus’ arm and got him in the yes lock smothering him. So at that point Bryan had a fall and so did sheamus (didn’t catch the first fall. to busy being a sugar junkie). 
  3. My prediction was shaping up and what happens? sheamus kicks bryans head off not once, but twice to get the win. I was furious another prediction foiled.
  4. Now Daniel bryan can’t blame this loss on aj, but somehow he still will. Probably by saying aj distracted him from eating veggie burgers or some shit.
  5. Oh and errbody fucked up they arm tonight. Looking at you sheamus and Cena

Overall rating: 6.5. Not because I missed a fall but because I was shocked that daniel bryan,a man known to utilizing anything he can to get an advantage did not use sheamuses  probation against him. That just seems so out of character for him to do. I didn’t get many mini heart attacks from this fight then I wish I did,but hopefully somebody else will come into the title picture (maybe lord tensai??) to make all of this more interesting. I do think Bryan should continue to fight for the title, but maybe adding more competition for the title will help. 

This was me pretty much all match:

Bigshow vs Cody Rhodes
  1. I was overjoyed at it being a tables match but it was at this point i started to get the feeling that my prediction was wrong and that an upset was being foreshadowed.
  2. I actually got scared during the match because I thought show accidently broke cody rhodes face (his brow more specifically) because Show stiffed him (really show?). But I’m glad to see hes alright.Cody rhodes isn’t one of my favorites despite being the son of dusty rhodes, but I hate seeing anybody get actually injured. 
  3. Long story short, bigdope dominated until he stepped through a table. Wow. I don’t even have a gif to show my feeling of second hand embarrassment. Yup, got this prediction wrong. Cody stole the win by a technicality.
  4. I’m actually glad. I just feel like Bigdope doesn’t make a good intercontinental champion. I mean yeah hes a big strong guy, but hes really slow. Its been rumored that he his ancestors are in fact those ancient 7-9 ft sloths that once walked the planet with us a few million years ago (Look it up).
  5. I just feel like hes working in the wrong title picture. Have rhodes defend it against swagger, miz, even del rio or ziggler. Big show is just to big to be fighting guys that should be in the (rest in peace) cruiserweight division.
  6. I’m sensing a heel turn or at least another fine for attacking cody after the match. 

 Overall rating: 8 For wwe havng a title changing hands unexpectedly. Unfortunately I have a feeling Codys going to continue to “poke the bear” instead of moving on from this drawn out boring storyline. And really, I don’t want to see rhodes vs show again anytime soon. The fact we have 4 matches that were on the wrestlemania card just 3 weeks ago just makes it feel like a wrestlemania rehash. Lets just move on already.

Heres a dusty gif for good measure and because I never have an opportunity to use it because well, Just look at it:

Brodus clay vs Dolph Ziggler

Funny note is I had no idea this match was scheduled and all day I was contemplating on not watching the PPV because I can’t imagine one without dolph performing. He brings the show to life. Not that this match wasn’t in vain but I still enjoyed it. Yes Ziggler has the power of having me decide whether I should watch it or not based soley on him being on the card. There are not many wrestlers that can make me do that.

  1.  Hornswoggle needs to stop dancing like hes having a seizure and I feel like his presence is starting to ruin the funk gimmick. I just feel like theres way to much going on on the screen even without hornswoggle flapping around like an idiot.
  2. I was very disappointed that I didn’t get to see Ziggler sell anything extreme. It was just a regular Brodus clay squash match.
  3. I don’t give a fuck about pushing the Funkasaurus, ZIGGLER DESERVES BETTER. THERE I SAID IT. 
  4. All the while we have the champion of doofus Jack swagger lurking around the ring and bailing on ziggler again. No reason he couldn’t have stole Ziggler a win. 
  5. On another note Dolph ziggler is billy gunn and curt hennings love child while Jack swagger is Johnny aces and (2003 era) christians.
  6. Monkey flips and head butts are apparently ziggler’s kryptonite. He sells it like death.
  7. WWE please, get this man out of the mid card already. Dolph deserves better. If anything, brodus needs less of a push because all he is at this point is a fat dancing ryback. Plus he needs a lot more work on his ring abilities and  development. Zigglers ready for main eventing.
  8. Then again, Zigglers burial could be a lot sadder. He could be the Miz right now.

Overall rating 7. I’m rating generously because ziggler still made the match look good and wwes lucky he doesn’t go all hbk vs hogan at summerslam on their asses and just make clay look like a cheeseball. I just want them to slow down the funkasaurus and set ziggler up to be the biggest heel to main event the next few years. He deserves it and if they don’t start doing that we’re going to be waiting for another face like brodus clay to work on his ring ability for a few years trapped in the midcard. 

Reaction to zigglers loss:

But I’ll end this off with the bootypopping because his matches always make us happy.

Teddy long, johnny ace and eve extreme rules

Luckily we only had one depressing teddy long segment to put up with tonight. Smackdown was just shit on teddy over kill. I just want trips to come back tomorrow night and bless teddy with the mighty mcmahon power and breathe life back into his pimp hand. 

Only thing that made me laugh was cody rhodes telling Teddy him that the tables match stipulation was his fault. He just said it like a whiney 8th grader. Oh Teddy, heres to hoping for you so more of this can happen:

Kane vs Randy orton
  1. They should never have a ref with the reflexes of a glacier ever work a falls count anywhere match ever again.  I’m pretty sure it was actually this guy:
  2. I saw a YOLO sign in the crowd and screamed GTFO. 
  3. That sign was probably the reason why a suicidal zack ryder interfered just to be useless and thrown onto the other side of the room. Yup sounds like an idiots YOLO moment.
  4. Grand moment of michael cole saying kane has no expression on his face only to finally get pwned by booker t basically saying “No shit bro hes wearing a mask”. Hilarious. Cole had no douchey comeback for once.
  5. Match was pretty slow and back and forth. I would have loved to see some bloodshed. 
  6. Also, remember that really badass “sit up” kane and the undertaker used to do? Why are they not utilizing that anymore. Even sitting at home, when that happens, you’re overwhelmed by feeling their opponents feeling of doom.
  7. Randy orton won. That match I at least got right.
  8. Hopefully this ends their boring feud because we all know this is only happening because Wade is injured. If wade was facing Randy Orton tonight this would have been a much better match.
  9. Kane, really just needs a good storyline to carry him through the rest of the year because this whole randomly attacking people because of t shirts and handshakes deal is not doing the momentum we all expected of remasked kane any justice and is just embarrassing us. 

Overall rating, 7. Match was just to slow and even though I love kane I didn’t really give a fuck about it. Randy orton was advertised for fighting at Over the limit (and possibly main eventing). If his opponent is once again Kane.. well I have an appropriate randy orton gif that will explain my feelings about that.

Now let me explain why I haven’t liveblogged tonight.

I had dificulties with ordering the ppv (I have optimum and it told me it couldn’t process). So then I checked out a stream of it til matt managed to get it working in the other room. While watching the stream I couldn’t use tumblr without the video turning into a power point presentation so I just wrote down my thoughts. I continued to write after matt fixed it on the other cable box and just figured I’ll make a post for each match. So COMMENCE THE RELIVEBLOGGING.

ps. My boyfriend thinks its weird but in a cool way that I live blog my thoughts got 2 out of 6 matches I made predictions for right. Overall it was a good ppv had its flaws here and there but I found myself many times on the edge of my seat after the slow start.

pss. will not be able to liveblog raw tomorrow night because I’m working. Sorry guys but I have priorities I have real life to attend too. I will post my thoughts though  now that My brain isn’t as boggled as it was 2 weeks ago.